Wiipe Out

Here's one.

I guess…to be quite honest… I've secretly always wondered what it would feel like to be punched in the face. Hasn't everyone?

Well, let me tell you a little story.

I - got beat up - today. It was pretty bad. I haven't told many people about it. I'm kind of ashamed. My assailant got away with it. Plain and simple. And it wasn't in a dark alley…or some gloomy parking garage. Nope. It was much closer to home.

I got my face bashed in …this afternoon…by my 10-year-old son and his

WII

REMOTE

CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck, it hurt! It hurt like hell! He wasn't even boxing…he was BOWL-ing! There I am, my very first Wiixperience…. My son says, sure…I'll show you how to play. I said, cool, and there I am, strapping myself into the Wiimote, because believe me, I don't want an incident. I've heard the horror stories and seen the carnage. Just take a look for yourselves: Wii Have a Problem. I don't want to be one of those poor sons-of-a-bitches who inadvertently smashes in the flat panel because my weapon goes sailing across the room, right?

So I'm strapping in, sitting there on the sofa waiting with unbridled glee for my first Wii move, and Thomas says (famous last words)….you pull your hand back like this…and POW! Teeth-plastic-shit-gums-nose-lip-and some sort of cracking sound. I almost blacked out. I sat there stunned. Dang. My son just beat the shit out of me!

As I sat there moments later, with an ice pack on my FAT LIP… I thought…ya know what…here's the hypothetical we should all be asking ourselves. Seriously: If a hard plastic object is tightly bound to one's hand, what would happen when one's hand-remote combo then makes contact with SOMEONE'S FACE? Ooh, ooh, I know, I know! IT FUCKING HURTS.

Did I cry? Nope. Did I want to? Yep. Did I quit? Nope. I did not! I held my head up high, I strapped myself back in... I picked up my virtual bowling ball and got my ass kicked by a punk-ass kid.

Yep. Sure did. So suck it, ya'll.