What did I miss?

Help me out here. When did what did I miss become oh, man, no buffer!? Remember the days when we had to put our life on hold for t.v.? I do. Recently I had to explain to my 10-year-old son Thomas about how it was in the old days when folks would scramble during the 2-minute commercial break to handle dog walks, snackage, laundry rotation and potty breaks. Sometimes the planning would start even before the commercial, so as to maximize its value. Inevitably, though, no matter how good the planning, one poor straggler would tear back into All In The Family hollering…what did I miss?

And if you missed a show completely!? Oh the despair! The inhumanity!

No longer. Now, it’s pause, buffer, pause, buffer, pause…or no pause, just FF or RW or that familiar Tivo sound, the one that brings music to the ears, the one that means… no commercials EVER:

gooduck-gooduck-gooduck...

...and voila…Project Runway is back…3 seconds later. What can you do in 3 seconds? Yawn? Take a sip of beer? Blink?

Rigged for Bear

Rethinking free time...what does it mean? The DVR proposes that boredom is a disease and convenience is the cure. Prescription: A recording device housing an always-open ever-filling library of hand-picked entertainment. Prognosis: no cure! Endless viewing+Endless possibilities=death by t.v.

What did I miss?

On the off-chance I do miss my favorite show, it will either come back around or I can view it on Youtube the following day. So the answer seems to be...nothing. Nothing is ever missed, because every media outlet on the warped wide web is vying to score an ounce of my streaming time, assuring me that I can view whenever, wherever I choose. And down time is no longer.

But how much television does one person need? I used to be a couch potato, tuning in and surfing til I got bored. Now, there’s no boredom, there’s just constant stimulation, marathon viewing sessions with no commercial interruptions and never-ending choices… efficient – yes, but healthy?

Tune Out. Tune In.

My husband accuses me of getting too engrossed in my shows. I tell him that’s the difference between he and I. He likes to watch t.v. to tune-out…I like to watch to tune IN, to explore and learn. Maybe it’s my theater background that compels me to analyze, compare, rewind and review. I’m looking for something greater. Something beyond me.

Isn’t it ironic, though, that with all of our technology and all the years since the invention of the wireless remote, we now have to learn how to put t.v. on hold… for life?

Dog Piles

I don't know how it happens.

No sooner do I get one pile of poo picked up in my house, then another one pops up. We adopted Libby on Easter Sunday. She has an issue with table food. Too many years on kibble at the wonderful Amish puppy mill has left her stomach a little sensitive. A few days after we adopted her, Carolyn and I took her with us on a car ride to get some coffee. Moments later, we scattered into the parking lot to escape the explosion of poo. Poor Libby had a massive crap in the back of my Jeep Cherokee. Luckily, it was mostly on the rubber liner. I gave the job of cleaning it to my husband. We went out that week and bought a steam cleaner. I figured it would see occasional use.

That was then.

We adopted our second dog at the beginning of April. Cooper is a big boy…with big poo. And he’s never, ever had an accident in the house. Until NOW! We took him to the vet last week to get a steroid shot for a staff infection. He came home and promptly blew up in the kitchen. He’s been wee-ing and pooing in the house all week long, and I don’t see any end in sight.

All week long, I’ve been picking up poo. I don’t even put the steam cleaner away anymore. It just travels from one room to another, always on stand-by.

I used to be afraid of poo. I was afraid it would destroy my home. That was before I got the Hoover All-Terrain! Now I know a good steamcleaner can save lives. This may sound odd, but I’m beginning to understand the dynamics of poo. Getting it out of my carpet is really an artform. Although I hate having to fill the tank (and empty the tank) and lug it all around, I actually enjoy watching the machine work it’s magic.

I better go…Libby is pacing.